Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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