Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
