it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
