I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
