Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
