just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
