I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
