you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
