I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
