I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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