and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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