she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
