I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
