Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
