I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
