Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
