Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
