apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You can't just leave with hair like that
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
