Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
