there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
