I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
