Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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