i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Houston, we have a squirter
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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