everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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