I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Vodka?
Forever.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
