So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
