Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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