Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
