saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
