I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize