yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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