I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
