Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
