there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
