i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
