question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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