there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
