I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
