mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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