I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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