I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize