I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize