I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
