I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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