It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
