god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
