Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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