new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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