if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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