Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i think i just lost a toe
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize