you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
