There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
