I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
