home. puking in laundry basket.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
