This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
