ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
