I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize