I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
