Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
