I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
