So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
