One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
