so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
