Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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