next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
