i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
