So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
