My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Liz is crying about burritos again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
