I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
3pm strippers are depressing
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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